I spent all weekend thinking about a question, and I’m hoping you can help me find some answers.
There is a particular kind of predicament that can plague people: Sometimes, the one most important thing that needs to be done is the one thing that you least want to do.
A good example is working out. When you’re sluggish or cranky or foggy or some combination of the three, a workout is often the best remedy, but it’s the last thing you want to do. Another good example is sugar addiction. When I’m on a sugar binge, I lose my appetite for anything that isn’t sweet, but to kick the habit, you gotta eat something else, and you gotta keep it up for a while—even while your body is doing everything it can to convince you to eat more sugar.
My question: How do you get out of these sorts of predicaments? How do you get yourself to do the one thing you don’t want to do? I ask, because I don’t have very many techniques for this. Often, (and I’m not sure I’d call this a “technique”) I have to go deep into my funk and crash and hate myself before I can shake it. The other thing that works for me is having a buddy (or even just peer pressure) to motivate me. The problem with these techniques is that they aren’t much under my control. If I don’t have a buddy, I just have to surrender to the predicament until it runs its course.
So yah, that’s my question: What are your techniques?
Comments
10 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.i can speak to this. i’m not sure how healthy my system is, but it works for me. i force it. i totally force it and remind myself of how good it feels after i work out/go to class/DON’T eat 3 slices of cake/whatever.i am very soft with myself when it comes to feelings, but i think being hard in regards to things you have to do but don’t want to do, is the way to go.
p.s. btw- i usually shy away from commenting on this blog…i’m afraid i don’t sound smart : (
Sugar is an addiction to be sure. I just finished the Wild Rose Detox and hope that 12 days of abstaining from sugar, dairy and wheat will get the sugar monkey off my back.
Works so far. I don’t have the urge.
As per doing things that need doing ie. motivation. I find it helps to find something about what you want to do no matter how mundane.
Like if you want to cut out sugar, research it find material that makes sense and then make it interesting for yourself.
Works for me… most of the time.
We are humans.
Been thinking about this too recently. I think you need to create surplus negative consequences for yourself for not doing what you need to do (or alternatively, create surplus positive rewards for getting it done). Create some kind of artificial situation that makes not working out, for example, even worse than just your own guilt for not doing it. I haven’t fully figured this out yet (besides using the buddy system), but imagine hiding your sugary sweets under a trap door in your pantry that you only have the strength to open after you’ve worked out. Something like that.
Seems to me that this is really about overcoming inertia. It happens to us, in our jobs and lives and relationships, all the time. And these are all good solutions to doing what needs to be done, even when you don’t want to. But I think it’s also worth acknowledging that this inertia–whether it’s doing the hard work it takes to have a healthy body or a healthy mind–is often mere laziness, and maybe not worthy of so much thinking. Sometimes, I think, you have to just shut up and do the thing that needs doing, because you know it’s right. And one way to DO that is to stop thinking about why you’re not.
It’s interesting that some people overcome by focusing on negative consequences and others by focusing on the positive outcome. (Not making a value judgment – whatever works, works.) When I catch myself avoiding something it usually is starting to create a sense of guilt, and at that point I have the motivation to give myself a little mental slap. I focus on the phrase JUST KNOCK IT OUT and the knowledge that I’ll feel relieved and freed up once I finish the task. Similar to what you’re saying, Josh.
I just try doing it – or not doing it – for 10 to 20 minutes. I quit smoking by, when I craved a cig, telling myself I could have one in 10 minutes. Mostly I found that I got distracted. If I didn’t, I let myself have it. Same with doing something positive like going to the gym: agree with yourself that you will do it for 10 – 20 minutes and if you just can’t stand being there anymore, let it go. The trick for me has been to really stop – to keep the agreement with myself. (Otherwise there seems to be an internal breakdown of trust and I don’t think it works anymore: you can’t trick yourself.)
“The trick for me has been to really stop – to keep the agreement with myself. (Otherwise there seems to be an internal breakdown of trust and I don’t think it works anymore: you can’t trick yourself.)”
I really like the concept of an internal breakdown of trust. Perhaps I have let myself down so many times that I no longer have faith enough in myself to follow through with things like the gym and over-eating. So now, to reestablish trust one must earn it, right? Back to ground zero – how far am I willing to go regain my own trust?
In my experience these are three simple and easy steps that lead to self motivation:
1. Push the “off” button on your TV remote.
2. Put down the bowl, bong or joint.
3. Close your eyes and Imagine what people will be saying about you at your funeral.
If this doesn’t work, push the “on” button on your TV and do whatever it tells you to.
Here’s my two cents:
Whatever needs to be done that you’re not doing is probably something that you think is going to suck. So, the best way to get it done is to focus on getting it to suck less.
Take the working out example – I hate gyms. Passionately. So I go for walks. Sometimes I start skipping when I’m walking. Sometimes I dance with children to terrible pop songs. Sometimes I try to run up all of the stairs when I get to a new place, like to express that I’m happy to have arrived. What I do is play, and that gives me energy – and sometimes playing even translates into me actually wanting to do a sit up or something like that.
I can relate directly to what you mention in your post. There’s no easy answer, but here are a few things I started doing to get my lazy ass back into the routine of working out 4 or 5 days a week. I took any temptation of eating like shit out of the picture by only buying healthy foods at the grocery store. When the cravings for sweets come, the sweetest thing I’m going to find in my apartment is a piece of fruit. But if there was a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer, it’d make it that much easier to say fuck it and eat the ice cream. So first, try to eliminate the things you’re trying to avoid – don’t rely on sheer willpower to get you past the temptations.
Next, I made my trip to the gym part of my daily routine. My commute home from work sucks, but my gym is down the street from my apartment. Stopping at home to change into gym clothes before working out sounds like a convenient thing to do. Problem is, once I get home, after a hellish commute and full day of work, the last thing I want to do is go to the gym. So I pack a gym bag and take it with me when I leave my apt. in the morning. On my way home from work, I go straight to the gym before going home. It becomes part of your daily routine eventually and you won’t even think twice about it.